Joan Rivers Quotes
Best Quotes from Joan Rivers
• I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
• My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
• I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
• Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
• Oh, grow up!
• My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.
• Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.
• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
• Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.
• There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.
• I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.
• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
• Never floss with a stranger.
More Quotations - Indexed by Name
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Jone Johnson Lewis. "Elizabeth Cady Stanton Quotations." About Women's History. URL: http://womenshistory.about.com/library/qu/blqustan.htm Date: [today]
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