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Joan Rivers
Women's Voices: Quotations by Women
Quote collection assembled by Jone Johnson Lewis
Quotation: I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes — and six months later you have to start all over again.
Quotation:

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

Quotation:

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

Quotation:

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

Quotation: Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Quotation:

Oh, grow up!

Quotation:

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

Quotation:

Does fashion matter? Always- though not quite as much after death.

Quotation:

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

Quotation:

Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

Quotation:

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

Quotation:

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

Quotation:

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
 

Quotation:

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

Quotation:

Never floss with a stranger.

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Explore Women's History:

• Each quotation page in this collection and the entire collection are © Jone Johnson Lewis 1997-2004.  This is an informal collection -- if you need citations for the original source, I don't have those available unless they're listed with the quotes.
• To cite this page, use a format something like this, substituting this page's title and URL:
Jone Johnson Lewis. "Elizabeth Cady Stanton Quotations." About Women's History. URL:  http://womenshistory.about.com/library/qu/blqustan.htm Date: [today]
• More about citing pages on this site.

 

 

 

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