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Joan Rivers Quotes

Best Quotes from Joan Rivers

• I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes — and six months later you have to start all over again.

• My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

• I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

• Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

• Oh, grow up!

• My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

• Does fashion matter? Always - though not quite as much after death.

• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

• Yeah, I read history. But it doesn't make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

• There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

• I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

• Never floss with a stranger.

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Each quotation page in this collection and the entire collection are © Jone Johnson Lewis. This is an informal collection -- if you need citations for the original source, I don't have those available unless they're listed with the quotes.

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Jone Johnson Lewis. "Elizabeth Cady Stanton Quotations." About Women's History. URL:  http://womenshistory.about.com/library/qu/blqustan.htm Date: [today]
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